Linkin Park and Anger

The news is filled with the story of Chester Bennington’s death who is the lead singer of Linkin Park.

I used to listen to Linkin Park’s music when my parents were separated because I could relate to their anger. My parents separated when I was 16. My dad moved into an apartment and I lived with my mom at our home. Eventually, my dad moved back home. Things didn’t work out when my dad moved back home so he moved out. My parents were finally divorced when I was 19.

I argue that experiencing a divorce as a teenager has it’s own unique challenges. A teenager is more aware of the drama and feels the need to comfort a parent. I always felt like I had to comfort my mom. My dad is very strong-willed.

Divorce is complicated. I’ll never know the whole story about what happened.  I was an only-child so depression hit me hard when my parents separated. My desire to eat was non-existent and I lost tons of weight. Not only was I depressed, I was ANGRY.

This was me at my lowest point. I was down to about 120 pds which is low for my body-shape.

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My dad had a child when I was in college. She was born a week before I graduated. When I found out that I would have a half-sister, the news shocked me and I was angry for a while. However, I got over the anger and I feel a “mom” presence when I’m around her. When I was in rehab, she wanted to use her allowance money to pay for my rehab. It was such a sweet gesture. My sister is now 11 and has grown into a tough girl and is karate world champion in sparring.

Allece

Since I haven’t listened to Linkin Parks’s music in years, I looked it up. With the experience of my stroke, their music has new meaning to me in terms of anger.

One song that I can relate to is “In the End”. Here are a few lyrics:

“I tried so hard
and got so far
But in the end
it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
to lose it all
But in the end
it doesn’t even matter”

 

Keep in mind – I designed
this rhyme
to remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me.

 

Things aren’t the way they
were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me
Not that you knew me back then
but it comes back to me”

I can relate to these lyrics because I worked so hard in my recovery but I was just mocked by my employer. It meant nothing to them. Even now, at nearly 4 yrs post-stroke, my husband will tell me about how he was mocked/harrassed in the workplace about my stroke.

I workout to help with my anger. I started a new class called BodyCombat at the YMCA. I punch and kick and I think about the people that have mocked me.

BodyCombat

 

 

 

 

 

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